Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
