He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
