i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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