I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
