i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
