Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
