Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
