Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
