i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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