we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
