I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize