my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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