I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
