i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
