Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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