We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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