My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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