I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
