moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
