i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
