Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
