I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
