I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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