New low: just hacked my moms facebook
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
