What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
