I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
