A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize