lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
