if you like me you must not know who I am
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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