So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
