Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
