I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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