It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize