I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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