I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
