Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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