I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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