I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
