fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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