my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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