it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
