We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
