walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Please don't give away my fajitas
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
