Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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