i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
