Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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