Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
