Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
