so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
