got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
