I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
