my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
