The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize