your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
