So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
