that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
