Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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