I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
