I just pynch a tree in the face
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He kissed a someone with a penis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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