Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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