I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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