I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm like, not good at living.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
