"it" just moved
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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