i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Randomize
