Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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