Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
im holly from the hills drunk
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
