I should be sponsored by Trojan
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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