im drinking this country out of the recession.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
