This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
