Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
