I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
