sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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