i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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