Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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