True but thats because hes a fetus.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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