Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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