My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
