dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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