you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
