1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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