Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
